A response to the recent controversy

I just want to say: I am truly sorry that you disagree with me. I understand how difficult it must be to be so wrong about everything, and it was not my intention to exacerbate things by being right.

I would also like to apologize on behalf of your mother, who dropped you on your head immediately after you were born. She just let you slide out and straight onto the floor.

It was also extremely--EXTREMELY--unprofessional for the doctor to pick you up and dribble you a couple times before chest-passing you to the nurse.

The nurse's dunk was also uncalled for.

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