Apparently Fox only wants to renew The Simpsons for one more season, and that's if the voice actors all agree to a massive pay cut. Of course the actors would rather see the show canceled than have their salaries reduced by nearly 50%, because that's like choosing between letting Hitler die and punching yourself in the dick forever.

Earlier this week, Fox issued a statement saying it "cannot produce future seasons under its current financial model," and that it hoped for "an agreement with the voice cast that allows 'The Simpsons' to go on entertaining audiences with original episodes for many years to come."

"Entertaining audiences" sounds like an excellent business model for a television show and I'd love to see The Simpsons go on to attempt it. It's important to shake things up and change focus every 23 seasons or so.

Via Reuters.

Hey, look! It's River Song's life in chronological order! Except, since everything occurs in the opposite general order of the natural flow of time, I guess this would be reverse-chronological, or anti-chronological. I had an Auntie Chronological, but she could never keep track of time. Ha-ha!

I do realize that this is the second day in a row that I've reposted something I found on Topless Robot, but give me a break. I'm not really into this blogging shit. I'm like the girl from The Craft who was only hanging out with the wicca girls because she didn't have any other friends, but then she turned out to be the most powerful one in the end. Just like that, except in my version I get to totally lez out with Fairuza Balk.

I'm the worst kind of Doctor Who fan (and also shit at segueing to a new paragraph, but that's a different story). I've seen about a dozen of the Matt Smith episodes and really liked those, but I'm not dedicated enough to track down the older episodes or wait for them to re-air. So I go on Wikipedia and read the story synopsis to fill in the blanks, and then go to forums and argue with real fans who have actually seen the show. If I were to make a face while doing this, it would look something like this:

Kim Kardashian is getting married today! Or maybe she's already married by now. I don't know what time this shit's supposed to happen. I don't even know who the groom is, though I think it's safe to assume that he's black. I'm confident that I know the former Ms. Kardashian well enough to discern the ethnicity of the dicks inside of her.

The only reason I care about this at all is because I sort of have a thing for Kim Kardashian's enourmous backside, or dat ass as it's known in her native tongue. I have nothing else to say about today's ceremony, though, so here's a poem that I wrote:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I wanna fuck Kim
Right where she poos

Jeff Fatt, the Asian guy in the purple shirt from The Wiggles (it's a kid's show. I have nieces), underwent heart surgery on Friday in Sydney, Australia to correct his irregular heartbeat caused by arrhythmia. He had reportedly not been feeling well for weeks, but I think that could have been the result of all that radiation the Japanese have been absorbing lately. What's that? The radiation was only a local thing? Well, that's just great. Now I look like a total racist. Fucking Japs screwed me again!

Fatt was fitted with a pace maker and, I'm assuming, received the Purple Heart medal of honour. You know, because he's the purple Wiggle and just had heart surgery. I really shouldn't have had to explain that one to you.

Via TV.com

Kevin Tancharoen, the director of the Mortal Kombat web series on Machinima, posted this teaser picture of Cyrax via Twitter (click on the banner for the full thing). The cyborg ninja will appear in the next episode of Mortal Kombat Legacy, which is premiering at the San Diego Comic-Con, and from the look of it will also have a cameo in the new Tribes game.

As much as I enjoyed the Scorpion and Sub-Zero episodes, I really miss the days of the Paul Anderson Mortal Kombat movies. Back then things like acting and special effects didn't matter: just hire some former American Gladiators stars and the animators from Reboot and you've got yourself a movie. Not a critically or financially successful movie, mind, but that's never stopped men like Paul Anderson and Uwe Boll from rubbing their dicks all over your childhood play things.

Felicia Day, the creator and star of webseries The Guild, and Wil Wheaton, Jean-Luc Picard's whipping boy from Star Trek: The Next Generation, will guest star for several episodes on the only good show still on Syfy, Eureka.

Eureka is one of those shows that I wish I had started watching earlier. By the time Gaius Baltar was guest starring as the time travelling doctor who isn't the doctor, I was already too far behind to know what was going on. It would be nice to know the answers to certain mysteries like how Jack and Tess got back together and what the latina deputy is wearing under those khakis. (I'll bet it's a thong. Latinas love their thongs.)

Stan Lee will also be guest starring for one episode, but who cares? He's so desperate for cameos that he'd take a role as an exotic dancer just to appear in the background of the new Spider-Man film, which takes place during Peter Parker's inevitable gay phase.

Via UGO.

Since there hasn't been a new Jurassic Park movie in ten years and it's been even longer since there's been a good one, something needs to fill the void and teach kids that dinosaurs are cool. Anything to get them away from goddamn vampires.

Enter Terra Nova: a new sci-fi show on Fox about humans conquering the growing overpopulation problem by … going back in time? Wouldn't that just make things worse? Because by the time they reach their original time humans will have had an extra 85 million years to reproduce. Whatever, the point is that they go back in time and of course there are dinosaurs back then. Someone really didn't do a good job of performing risk analysis before deciding on this, like maybe there are some dinosaurs that would enjoy eating humans. Oh, and then there's that comet that's coming and will wipe everyone out anyway, but I guess that solves the overpopulation problem after all.

Terra Nova will begin airing this fall, so watch it with your kids and hope that it knocks the little bitch out of their systems.