This is a The 34th Dimension exclusive news deal! Renowned muggle-blood Emma Granger and super cool badass bounty hunter Samus Afuck, I mean Boba Fuck—FETT! They made sex and now a miniature person is gonna be squeezed out of Hermione's snatch. Okay, so maybe none of that is true and I just wrote the last two posts and noticed that Hermione and Boba Fett would make a cute couple. One is a sexy little slut who probably does anal and the other is Hermione Granger. Ooooooh! Didja see what I did there? Because I think I've gone blind from sleep deprivation and need someone to proof read this before I click "Publish."

Staying up this long was a terrible idea. If anyone needs me I'll be in my bed for the next 14 hours. And by "anyone" I mean "sexy ladies" and by "my bed" I mean "your vaginas."

Have you read all of those articles lately about Google’s shady privacy policies? No? Me neither, but apparently they’re all lies planted by Facebook because—why else?—it’s Facebook.

Confronted with evidence, a Facebook spokesman last night confirmed that Facebook hired Burson [to spread filthy lies about Google], citing two reasons: First, because it believes Google is doing some things in social networking that raise privacy concerns; second, and perhaps more important, because Facebook resents Google’s attempts to use Facebook data in its own social-networking service. (Business Insider)

This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Facebook, not unlike the 13 colonies, was built on the ruin of its predecessors and will one day go to war against the technology it created. What? American history? The fuck is that? I’m talking about Battlestar Galactica. Did you know that we’re all the descendants of human-cylon hybrids? I knew the Prime Minister was a robot!

What should be surprising is that nobody has mentioned a lawsuit forming out of this. This isn’t The United States of Letting Bygones be Bygones; it’s the United States of America, and Americans go to court over everything—whether it’s because their corporate rivals are publishing libellous stories or because their coffee is too hot. Live the dream, Google!

Thanks to my friend Will for bringing this to my attention. He’s a pretty cool guy that doesn’t afraid of anything.