In 2010 Kevin Tancharoen created a mock-trailer for a realistic Mortal Kombat film starring Michael Jai White and Jeri Ryan as Jackson "Jax" Briggs and Sonya "Sugar Tits" Blade, and it was good. So, in 2011 Tancharoen was hired by Warner Bros. to direct nine online episodes of Mortal Kombat: Legacy, a semi-realistic take on the Mortal Kombat universe, once again featuring White and Ryan in their respective roles, plus Battlestar Galactica's Tahmoh "Helo" Penikett and a bunch of other people nobody's ever heard of. Some of the episodes were good, like "Scorpion and Sub Zero," but others were Tarantino-inspired bullshit, like "Kitana & Mileena."

Now Warner Bros. is giving Tancharoen the chance to direct a new, full-length film based on his vision of Mortal Kombat and … that's good? Bad? Was the web series really good enough to warrant further expansion? I don't know. Every new stage in the development of Tancharoen's version of MK has required resetting the concept back to the beginning. At first Scorpion was going to be a modern-day assassin, but then he was frozen by Quan Chi in feudal Japan. Baraka (Obama?) was going to be a crazed plastic surgeon, but then he was a demon. Johnny Cage was going to be working undercover for the police, but then he was a Power Ranger. Do you see what I'm getting at? The movie probably won't jump off from where the web series ended, either, because that would confuse anyone who hasn't been following the development, so what was the point in investing ourselves in Tancharoen's series to begin with?

I guess what I'm feeling is just a little betrayed, a little angry, and kind of horny. Hopefully the film can satisfy each of those.

Via Topless Robot.

Weekend at Bernie's: a film about two guys who pretend that their dead boss is alive in order to take advantage of the sweet party and sexy babes that are concurrently going down at their boss's beach house. A work of pure fiction, or a stunning portrayal of reality over two decades before it happened?

Jeffrey Jarrett died last month. […] Two of his friends, Robert Young and Mark Rubinson, allegedly loaded his body into a car, hit a bar in Denver then another one in Aurora, before finally taking Jarrett, 43, home.

Rubinson, 25, and Young, 43, then ended their night at Shotgun Willie’s in Glendale, but without Jarrett. They then allegedly took $400 out of Jarrett’s account. (CBS Denver)

It's true when they say that life imitates art. I can't wait for the sequel when Jeffrey Jarrett's body is cursed by a voodoo sorceress and starts walking toward buried treasure whenever there's music playing.

Note: I know that I'm not the first person to connect this story to Weekend at Bernie's, but I can say with certainty that I'm the first person who's bothered to photoshop the heads of the perpetrators onto a promotional image for the film.

I don't think that anyone involved with the Hellraiser franchise is even trying anymore, unless what they're trying to do is make each film worse than the one preceding it. Do you remember Hellworld, the one with Lance Henriksen? Everything before the end is an hallucination. A good sign that a film is terrible is when even the cast and crew decide that it never really happened.

So now we have Revelations—a subtitle that has totally never been used before ever—which is filmed partly in the same documentary/handy-cam style that George A. Romero used in Diary of the Dead, and that movie turned out worse than Land of the Dead even if you manage to ignore John Leguizamo (you can't, so don't try). So the cinematography is already guaranteed to be shit, but the creators of Revelations couldn't even get Doug Bradley to return for the role of Pinhead and that guy seriously doesn't do anything else. I checked.

Hellraiser is indisputably one of the best horror films ever made—I even liked Hellraiser 2 for that brief glimpse it had of Pinhead as a human—but put the fucking thing to rest already. You may be unaware, but Clive Barker has written more than one book. Let's see a film adaptation of The Great and Secret Show or maybe even Mister B. Gone if anyone in Hollywood has the balls to make a movie about a demon who isn't a fucking pretty boy (most of his face has been burnt off) and where a girl is boiled alive in a cauldron just for the fun of it.

Even Clive Barker has disowned this film, saying "I have NOTHING to do with the fuckin' thing. If they claim its from the mind of Clive Barker, it's a lie. It's not even from my butt-hole." The man is a class act.

Via Bloody Disgusting.

When it was announced that The Dark Knight Rises would feature Catwoman and Bane as its primary antagonists, I speculated that director Christopher Nolan was purposefully fucking things up in order to ensure that he'd never be asked to return for a fourth film. It's how Sam Raimi got out of directing the Spider-Man series and I'm sure that it's what Bryan Singer would have done with the third X-Men film if Brett Ratner hadn't stepped in and done it for him, so it's not without precedent.

Directors seemingly can't stand to make superhero movies for the rest of their careers, so they orchestrate the franchise's failure at around the third entry in order to secure an exit for themselves—of course this has always just been my own supposition. After seeing this image of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, however, there's no doubt left in my mind that The Dark Knight Rises is being sabotaged by its own director.

Don't misunderstand: I think that Anne Hathaway is an absolutely gorgeous actress whom I would plow raw if only I were given the chance, but even Halle Berry made a better Catwoman than this and I'm a borderline racist, so that's saying a lot.

Via Shortlist.com

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II made $168.5 million over the weekend, breaking the previous record set by The Dark Knight in 2008. What made The Deathly Hallows Jr. so popular? I hear that in the third act Hermione flashes her tits while Harry and Ron make gay kisses with Voldemort and in a surprise twist Neville Longbottom is the chosen one who saves The Matrix from the shittiness of its sequels. It's one of those rare films with a little something for everyone.

Disclaimer: I've been awake for the past 23 hours, so if today's posts don't make any sense I'm a giant bumblebee.

Joe Johnston, the director of the new Captain America movie and the guy who almost ruined Jurassic Park, says he wants to make a movie about Boba Fett. I figure why not? Every other aspect of Star Wars has been ruined in the last ten years, so it's about time someone sat down and said "I think I'd like to take everyone's favourite bounty hunter and bend him over the pinball table, if you know what I mean, just to be sure that no one can look back on their childhood and smile anymore."

Johnston was a visual effects director on the original Star Wars trilogy, so he's in a good position to be handed the keys to the Slave I (that's the name of Boba Fett's ship, hurr hurr I'm so cool). I know it can't be that hard to get George Lucas to agree to anything. I'm 90% sure that Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was pitched to him by his grandkids. "More gophers, grandpa! And make the fridge blow up with an A-bomb!"

… and that prequel now has a trailer.

I haven't been this excited about an upcoming movie since Jurassic Park. John Carpenter's The Thing is the greatest horror film ever made, and if you need me to justify that statement you're an asshole and probably a rapist. Stop harshin' my vibe, James Franco!

Anyway, the prequel takes place in the Norwegian outpost that Kurt Russel visits during the first movie, and I'm surprised by how well Russel is holding up in his old age. He doesn't look a day over thirty, and those tits really suit him. Wait, that's not Kurt Russel? It's a woman? In Antarctica? God damn it, now the movie is going to be two hours of some bitch complaining about the cold.