Picture unrelated.

The 15 Worst Things About The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Movie by Topless Robot author Chris Cummins is a load of bunk. No, I didn’t actually read it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t disagree with it. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (or THGTTG, as I like to pronounce it) is one of my favourite movies and I won’t stand for such libel. On a related note, I just found out that someone wrote a book that’s based on the movie. I’ll have to look it up and see how it compares. Authors tend to take too many liberties when they adapt movies to books, like changing things and adding in a whole bunch of pointless junk.

The Escapist Review of Norwegian film Troll Hunter is terrible and they should fire whoever made it, but the movie looks really good. I hope it’s in English, though, because there’s nothing worse than having to read subtitles. If you’re going to make a movie at least learn how to speak our language. Nobody wants to hear your jungle-talk from Ooga Booga land.

F@NB0Y$ is a great comic and you’d do well to start reading it. Granted, an endorsement from me is like a greeter at Wal-Mart telling you about this new company called Microsoft that’s sure to be a success. He sees big things in their future!

Superman is renouncing his U. S. citizenship. Apparently he was as tired as everyone else of Obama’s constant excuses for not releasing his long-form birth certificate.

Mariah Carey gave birth to twins on Saturday, and I’m slightly ashamed to admit that I had no idea she was pregnant. I just thought that she was getting really fat, and I didn’t want to say anything because I discovered a while back that even good christian girls don’t find it endearing when you describe them as "the fatted calf."

Gnome 3 is the worst desktop environment I’ve ever seen. It’s like the bastard spawn of an iPad and Google Chrome, which is suitable because Gnome has been trying to be Mac OSX since 2006. But unless you’re a bearded Linux nerd you have no idea what I’m talking about, and this whole paragraph was just so that I could sound smarter than you.

The Canadian federal election is tomorrow, so if you’re of voting age and a Canadian citizen (i. e. not Mexican) you should do your civic duty and cast your vote. Unless you’re voting against me, in which case there are tons of better things you could do with your time. Voting is so boring anyway. Why don’t you go out and catch a hockey game, then maybe have a few drinks with your pals? That sounds waaaaaaay more fun than stupid old voting. Aw, man. I wish I didn’t have to go out and vote tomorrow. Save yourself!

I don’t celebrate Easter because I’m not a gullible idiot, but hey, some of my best friends are Christians. So today’s post really has nothing to do with Easter. Not even a single Jesus joke. Okay, maybe one Jesus joke.

What did Jesus say as he was being crucified?

"Aaaaahhhhhh!"

Nintendo’s next console will apparently be called "Stream," cost $350 and be more powerful than the PS3. It’ll also have the face of a lion, the body of a bear, the wings of an eagle, and it’ll piss fire and shit out new Zelda games.

The Superman suit will finally be seen in Smallville on May 6. Is it just me or does the suit look kind of fat?

Studies show that older men prefer rough sex, Twitter users are more likely to be chronic masturbators and fat chicks really hate themselves. They also show that people who read The 34th Dimension are twice as handsome as their friends and have sex all the time with super models. It’s too bad that I never read this shit.

Instead of the regular Sunday Links, I think that this teaser for Mortal Kombat Legacy (Really? That’s what they’re calling the web series?) deserves to stand on its own.

Some people are complaining about the overall lack of Mortal Kombatiness—gore, fatalities and human-lizard hybrids produced by some unholy union against God are all missing from the clip above—but I think that, considering how short it is, there’s plenty there to like. One-on-one kombat, well-choreographed fighting, and an industrial stage that could be a throwback to any one of the games. Maybe the problem is that 50% of the teaser is made up of Stryker. I can see how people wouldn’t like that.

Sunday is a terrible news day and I’ve tasked myself with coming up with no fewer than three stories each time this god awful day comes along. I was going to push it and go for four today, but that just isn’t happening. A fourth story on a Sunday is like a mormon in a bar: even if there is one, it’s hiding in the bathroom out of shame.

Charlie Sheen’s “comedy” tour was a huge failure, ending twenty minutes early when he was booed off stage. This shouldn’t be surprising to anyone who has been following him for the last two months. I can’t really blame him, though. If I thought I could get rich by saying the same things over and over again, I’d be on tour right now with a harem of Pink Ranger goddesses.

Robin Antonick, who was a developer of the original John Madden Football game, is suing EA for royalties he believes he’s owed from the success of the modern franchise. EA isn’t even doing well in the suit filed against them by Activision, which is pretty much like if Satan were to call you a bad person. So I don’t think I need to say “good luck” to Antonick so much as “enjoy the royalties.”

Today is the 87th anniversary of the birth of Marlon Brando. Since it’s Sunday and you have nothing better to do (unless you’re one of those “Christian” things I keep hearing about), why don’t you go watch The Godfather, Apocalypse Now and then finish up with The Island of Dr. Moreau. You’ll thank me for the last one.

I actually wouldn’t recommend clicking on most of the links in today’s post because they contain opinions that I disagree with. That’s a good enough reason to boycott anything, I think.

Here’s a trailer for Sucker Punch, which came out in theatres this week. I haven’t had a chance to see it yet because I’m not allowed to have nice things, like hot girls kicking ass and insulin.

Everyone apparently hates Sucker Punch, which I think is bullshit considering the reasons given. “Bloody but without menstrual awareness”? The fuck? I didn’t know that Gertrude Stein was still alive and writing film reviews now. (See? I can make intelligent jokes.)

Gawker writer Richard Lawson went so far as to call everything Zack Snyder has directed since Dawn of the Dead “garbage.” Is anyone actually pretentious enough to agree with that? Saying Watchmen and 300 are bad is like saying Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow isn’t the best movie ever made, which I know you know isn’t true.

I was awake until 6:30 last night, which is actually 6:30 this morning. It’s noon now and I’m awake again because my cats were fighting with each other. I no longer have any cats, but I do have Sunday Links. It is Sunday, right? Or have I been locked inside a time portal again?

Nintendo have put up a 3DS demo kiosk locator, because there are finally 3DS demo kiosks in North America. The device only launches in one week and the 3D effect—which is its major selling feature—needs to be seen in person in order to be experienced at all, but it’s totally OK that most people have never even touched a 3DS before now. I’m sure that seven days will give everybody a chance to make an informed decision.

That VideoGame Blog has a new trailer for Conduit 2 and my god this game looks terrible. I actually liked The Conduit, but that was mainly because of Kevin Sorbo as the voice of Prometheus and he’s been replaced by some generic David Hyde Pierce wannabe-soundalike. I should get into voice acting. I can do a really good Christopher Walken impression. Well, y’see, I’m a guy, who makes his voice, sound like some other guy. See how good I am!?

Domain names ending in .xxx have been approved for porn sites by the people who decide that sort of thing (I think they’re called LOSERS m I rite!). Now, when you run your own website, a good practice is to register every possible domain extension to prevent brand conflict when you own kittens-r-cute.com and someone else owns kittens-r-cute.gov. I haven’t even purchased 34thdimension.net because I’m still eating out of a dumpster after renewing the .com. What’s that? It’s actually a cardboard recycling bin. So that’s why I’ve been pooping like clockwork lately!

Anyway, I’m just going to wait and see which disgusting fetish winds up at 34thdimension.xxx. My money is on inter-dimensional time sluts.