Shit. Is it time for another edition of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Super Special Feature + already!? The last one was only published . . . two years ago? Fuck. Okay, fine. Here it is: part four of the Super Special Feature +, brought to you by the letter ü.

My nephew is a huge fan of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. A few months ago his mother, beyond anyone’s better judgement, let him read the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Super Special Feature here on The 34th Dimension. He loved it so much that he came to me and asked if I would let him make the next one. He was really excited about it and I didn’t have the heart to tell him no, so I said that if he came up with all of the text and pictures I would help put it together and then post it online. I was lying, of course, but when he handed me the finished pages I was astounded. He did such an amazing and hilarious job that there was no way in hell that I couldn’t release it.

He’s actually a pretty good artist and it’s clear that he spends too much time on the Internet. His mom obviously helped him with spelling, but I tried to transcribe the story exactly as it was written.

Now, without further ado, The 34th Dimension is proud to present:

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... Everybody knows it’ll drive you insane!

If you were alive in the early to mid 1990s, the memory of that unholy anthem is likely to send waves of chills down your spine. It heralded the coming of doom itself; the destroyer of worlds; the harbinger of pain; the demon Pog.

Life in the small town of Brampton, Ontario was quiet and peaceful: filled with good, honest Christian folk, scuttling about their happy lives with nary a care in the world. Parents joyfully went to work each morning, while the children played their playground games. Neighbourhoods attended hockey tournaments in support of their local teams and Fox Kids was still on the air.

The Canada Games Company opened its doors in Brampton in 1987. On the surface it was just another friendly toy manufacturing company, with such children’s favourites as Tye Dye Teddy and Zeddy Jigsaw Puzzles. Known only to key members of its board of directors, however, was that the Canada Games Company was really a secret Nazi organization performing dire experiments into the occult.

In the early ’90s, the Company unearthed documents in Hawaii that detailed the workings of an ancient ritual. They learnt that the Hawaiian natives, through the use of magical coins that were embossed on one side with esoteric markings, would summon the demon known as Pog into their service. Pog, however, was unruly and soon turned on his supposed masters, driving them slowly to insanity.

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Everyone knows the story of Doom: a lone marine saves the world from the legions of Hell, kicking ass all the way back to Earth. But who among us can say they know what really happened up there at the UAC facility? Today, the Doom Marine is here to recount his grisly tale as only he can.

I was stationed on Mars for six weeks before all Hell literally broke loose. Yes, I’m using the word appropriately: Hell had literally gotten loose and was making a terrible mess of everything. They’re still trying to clean up the labs on Phobos, and have you ever tried getting Hell stains out of Kevlar?

I don’t know what the UAC scientists were initially working on up there—probably some sort of pill to make old guys grow hair out of their boners or something—, but they managed to stumble upon teleportation technology instead. Now, if I had suddenly discovered a portal between Mars’ two moons, you can sure bet I wouldn’t go dicking around with it. I like to keep my molecules where I can see them, and I don’t need to come out the other side with my head on backward or six asses or something.

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It’s time for yet another exciting instalment of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Super Special Feature + (the "plus" stands for polygamy), now in Technicolour!

Bulk and Skull: two classically misunderstood Angel Grove High School students—products of an uncaring environment who have been ostracized for their social defects. Never before has anyone bothered to take a closer look into the lives of these troubled teens. But here at the 34th Dimension, we’re in it for the children.

Join me as I delve deep into the lives of two of America’s most well-known bullies and try to unravel the mystery of their pasts.

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