DESCRIPTION:

The Mongolian God of the Sky, Tengri is a lot like Ra in that you can physically see Him as the sky, clouds, storms and especially lightning. The biggest difference between them, however, is that Tengri is a lot more likely to kill you instantly if you piss Him off. The best thing about Tengri is how you can easily attach any morals of the day to a thunderstorm to scare stupid people or kids into thinking they caused His anger.

FATHER: "Son, did you see that lightning bolt completely eradicate that tree over there?"

SON: "Yes father."

FATHER: "So I hope you remember that the next time you’re so slow in fetching me that remote control. Tengri wasn’t happy with your lazy ass on that one, so I guess that must’ve been a message directly to you."

SON: "Yes sir."

One important factor to consider with Tengri is that Genghis fucking Khan worshipped Him. I don’t know about you, but any god who can help me and my people to conquer all of Eurasia is pretty goddamned impressive. And if you look at Europe and Asia now, even God is just one of many deities in such a vast area, whereas Tengri covered the whole fucking thing back then. Sure, maybe you could worship something else, but don’t tell that to a Mongol. On the other hand, I could tell a Christian that I’m opting to worship something other than God, and even if I think he might want to kill me, it probably won’t be on the spot and via dog pack dismemberment.

METHOD OF WORSHIP:

This will be the ultimate in reverse psychology! Since I’ll be the one worshipping Tengri around my parts, and probably the only one at that, I’ll get to celebrate every power outage, every flood, every tree damaged by lightning that falls onto a roof, every annoying breaking news bulletin informing me of the storm and covering the screen with text while I’m trying to watch a beauty pageant, and every single flash of lightning I see outside. I’ll know that the loud booming of the thunder will mean that some infidel pissed my god off or did something to make me angry and therefore offend my great Tengri. I can go outside during any storm, no matter how severe, hold my umbrella to the sky, and tempt nature in any way I see fit, because if my reckless ass gets struck by lightning, I’ve been touched by my god, so it all works out in the end. But if any of you get into any trouble, it’s your own fault. Don’t ever offend me or my god again. And if you did, and you’re dead, I’m glad you’re dead.