DESCRIPTION:

Buddha is pretty much a fatter, balder Jesus who likes to sit around under waterfalls, visit prostitutes, perform services for prostitutes, and generally believes it's okay to become a prostitute, as it's one of the few things women are good for.  He has many disciples who also like to sit around under waterfalls on occasion, and very frequently go around kicking people.

In some ways, he's more a cross between Jesus and Biff Tannen, both of whom came later in history, so bow down to the original owner of the Pleasure Paradise.  His "live and let live" attitude meets the approval of every oppressive Chinese-ish dynasty ever, because he mostly just sits around while any kind of mass slaughter gets underway.  In fact, Tokugawa heavily promoted Buddhism after slaughtering lots and lots of Japanese Christians.

To give you a quick idea of Buddhism, it's basically all about life sucking and living to the point of divine nothingness.  You can find out more through research or by asking an elderly Chinese-ish guy on the street.  While you're at it, ask him to teach you karate.

On a spiritual level, Buddhism has a lot of similarities to Christianity, only without the televangelists begging for money on half of the channels you get on a digital receiver box.  Clearly, Buddhism must have a lot going for it, because billions of Chinese-ish folks can't be wrong, just stereotypically hilarious to make fun of with their Rs and Ls and little straw hats.

METHOD OF WORSHIP:

The thing about this one is that I have to give it a legit shot, just like I'll eventually have to do with Christianity one of these weeks.  There's a lot I like about the whole self-denial aspect, and one concept in particular stresses repeated gratification of the senses to the point of boredom, which I would compare to the old "smoke all the cigarettes in the closet until you get sick and learn your lesson" tactic that those '50s dads would have you do.  I would cite where I found that out, but I don't feel like it because, that way, I can make this feel more like a gaming site by just saying shit and not providing any basis for my words whatsoever.  Regardless, it's a good way for me to do all sorts of shameful acts with impunity, and if every kung fu movie, anime series or ninja saga is any indication, it's fully expected that I become a completely perverted degenerate by the time I hit 50.

I'm still a little torn as to whether I want to look like Buddha through nonstop Twinkie eating, or follow the more disciplined Shaolin Temple route and train my ass off, so I have no problem walking a middle road and becoming like Roy Nelson.  But mostly, I think I'll have the whole thing down by just walking around in one of those straw hats I bought at some festival a while back, pick up a branch and use it as a walking stick, and wear robes all the time while walking the various nature trails around here.  If I feel the need, I'll start kicking strangers.

There are no really notorious whorehouses around here per se, but if I crash with some trashy slut, it's close enough.  Any irresponsible and filthy fucking will only stir the fire within (venereal disease), which I hear makes you wish for nothingness, so it's all good on that end.  I'll treat women a little better than I did with worship of Steven Seagal, but not by much.  The most important thing, however, will be to flash them titties, eat that rice, and totally ignore potentially oppressive political changes with a big grin and several bows with my hands in prayer position.  Now we just have to hope that slavery doesn't get reinstated this next week...