Movies vs. Games

Some ideas work great as movies while others are better suited to games. The elements that combine to make one medium work are often not the same as those for the other, yet sometimes the two cross paths and we end up with a non-Scooby-Doo related pairing of Matthew Lillard and Freddie Prinze Jr. (I told them it was crazy!)

When we see these movie/game crossovers, it’s usually the original format that ends up being superior. But sometimes a discovery can be made and we realize that, maybe—just maybe—Vin Diesel really is a better video game character than actor. In this spirit, I’ve compiled the following list of intellectual properties that have transcended a single medium to judge which came out better.

Mortal Kombat

The Game: As of now there are eight mainstream games ranging from the very good (Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3) to the insanely stupid (Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe). Unlike Street Fighter, which managed to keep a low profile while hiding out in Japan under the alias José Street Feirto, Mortal Kombat has been whored out over the years as though it were Super Mario.

At its best, the franchise made it as a contender for best fighting game franchise in the ’90s. At its worst, it managed to spawn Mortal Kombat: Special Forces.

The Movie: The same characters and story as the game, but with cheesy acting, bad writing and the worst CG animation the ’90s had to offer. This is where Paul W. S. Anderson, who directed the film adaptations of Resident Evil and Aliens vs. Predator, started out his career of ransacking games for ideas.

But the movie is still good in an hilarious way. It doesn’t try to take itself seriously, so it doesn’t really matter that Reptile looks like a character from Reboot, or that Liu Kang’s "three challenges" are the most ridiculously contrived bullshit ever. It all works to the film’s benefit. Also, it stars Christopher Lambert as Raiden. Awesome.

Winner: Movies

Alien vs. Predator

The Game: You get to play as three different species: as an alien you can run along walls and ceilings, stun victims with your venomous tail and bite people’s heads off; as the predator you use advanced tools to hunt down the ultimate prey; and as a human, you can piss your pants and run away.

The Movie: You get to put up with another below-average Paul W. S. Anderson film. As the viewer, you can sit and wonder why you would spend time or even money to watch this shit when there are four excellent Alien films and one and a half good Predator films that you could be watching instead.

Winner: Games

The Chronicles of Riddick

The Movie: Pitch Black was an incredible movie, so why did the sequel suck so bad? Every change they made was for the worse: Riddick, previously a dynamic anti-hero, is now just a growling hardass; as well, dialogue and story progression were cut to make room for rejected stunts from the XXX screenplay.

The Game: Even though The Chronicles of Riddick is in the title, Escape from Butcher Bay is a lot more like Pitch Black in tone and pacing—maybe because it’s a prequel to both films and thus takes place before Riddick turns into a babbling meat head. Stealth, murder and a distinct lack of Karl Urban make this a kickass game.

Winner: Games

The Terminator

The Movie: They went through Michael Biehn, Robert Patrick and Kristanna Loken before receiving one of those Christian Bale makeovers, and now I’m unsure how I feel about the franchise. Your movie has to be pretty bad before you can cast Kristanna Loken in it, and Christian Bale is a wheezing cunt. He should have died at the end of Salvation and let Sam Worthington be the star in the next film.

At least Judgement Day was pretty sweet.

The Game: There has never been a good Terminator video game.

Winner: Movies

Super Mario Bros.

The Game: Nintendo single handedly revitalized the video game industry after the crash of ’83 by running, jumping and bouncing off turtles all the way to the bank, and they’ve continued doing the exact same thing ever since. Anywhere they think they can make a buck, Nintendo will send in Mario to set up shop (and now collecting coins makes a lot more sense). They even licensed him to SEGA for Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, hoping to cash in on the long-dead rivalry that people somehow still care about.

The Movie: Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as Mario and Luigi, and Dennis Hopper as King Koopa—how the hell can anyone call this a terrible movie? You’re a moron if you expected the film to remain true to the source material. It would have been 90 minutes of two guys jumping through a pastel world, breaking blocks and stomping on anthropomorphic fungi.

The movie is hilarious, well written for an early-1990s kids’ film and Mario and Luigi are actually employed as plumbers. Nintendo seems to love assigning careers to their characters but then never engaging with them. For instance, has Samus Aran ever collected a single bounty in any of the Metroid games? No. Screw Nintendo. Screw the fans. Super Mario Brothers: The Movie wins.