Do you think that, to create a good game, you need high definition graphics that push the boundaries of realism, free-roaming worlds, 30 hours of gameplay, guns, explosions and space marines? Frontier Developments would care to disagree.

LostWinds is one of the best games to come out in years, and they did it without "hi-def" technology, fast cars, realistic explosions or an established intellectual property. They did it with 2-dimensional gameplay and a brand new concept, and they did it all in under 50 megabytes.

In LostWinds, you control a kid named Toku who wakes up one day and is suddenly granted the power to control the wind. Now, just think of all the possible applications that kind of power would have. Can you come up with anything practical? Because I can’t. Unless you weigh about 10 grams, the wind isn’t going to bestow any ability of flight upon you without causing serious bodily harm in the process. It would require hurricane-force winds to lift your body off the ground without a sail.

What Toku has is basically the power of sneaking panty shots whenever he pleases and, really, isn’t that what we all truly want?

But as entertaining as a game entirely about girls’ undergarments would be, Frontier decided to bend the rules of physics and let you make Toku float around the game like a plastic bag. Thankfully it seems to have worked and now we have a pretty awesome game for $10.

You can make Toku run around, just like in any game, by using the analogue stick. But that’s boring. It’s way more fun to take the Wii remote and blow that little bastard around with little to no regard for his personal safety. Shove him off cliffs and watch him splatter on the ground. You can even watch it in slow-motion if you hold down the A button while he falls. Of course, you can also do things like draw paths to guide Toku through the air, or blow fire and water around to solve puzzles and burn things. I guess that’s cool too, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Now let’s take a look at how the game looks: awesome. This is a fact. But you may be wondering just what makes it so awesome. If you are, you should hurt yourself right now. Seriously, I have no time for tasteless idiots.

LostWinds looks a lot like The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, which is another awesome looking game that was criticized because people on the Internet love to complain about everything. My general rule of thumb is: if it reminds me of the days before cartoons started to suck, I’m legally obligated to fall madly in love with it, date its best friend, then get it drunk at a party and make my move.

LostWinds looks like a really good cartoon. In fact, Frontier should start working on a television series based on it right now. It’s guaranteed to be better than Yoo Gee Oh. The story is already laid out: Toku meets the wind spirit, Enril, and they go on magical adventures to save the world from the evil Balasar. Then they use the wind to shoot flames at children. It would be a romantic comedy starring the voice talents of Mike Meyers as Toku and Willem Dafoe as the zany sidekick, Mahaffy. Enril would become a jive-talkin’ black guy with street smarts who appeals to today’s youth.

Today’s youth are stupid.

Seeing as how a cartoon series probably isn’t going to happen, I’ll have to settle for the inevitable sequel that has yet to be announced. LostWinds is short: about three or four hours. A three-or-four-hour, story-based game doesn’t come without a sequel planned. This isn’t rocket science.

Now, some would consider such a short game to be a bad thing. Some would also find chewing on shards of rusted metal to be an effective way to pass the time. A game doesn’t need to be 20 hours long in order to be good. I want instant gratification, not a drawn out quest that ends disappointingly anyway. And if it’s good enough—as LostWinds is—you can always play it a second or third time. If you’re only playing each of your games once, you’re probably not spending your own money on them. Thus, your parents deserve to have their hard-earned money wasted, considering they sired an ungrateful child like you.

In closing, LostWinds is better than Halo 3, Gears of War, Super Mario Galaxy, Metal Gear Solid 4 and every other overrated game that’s come out in the last two years. It scores a 76 on my Awesome Scale. If you have $10, buy it. If not, find a friend who does have $10 and steal it.